Happy Birthday Jack!
2004-05-31 - 5:04 p.m.

I feel so unbalanced today. I'm full of worry and tension in every part of my life.

My Grandma is throwing things off with my parents. Cody and Tarzan were really going at it this morning. Mike is driving me up the wall. I miss some old friends. I have an unfounded fear of losing some current friends. And the only thing keeping me grounded is coming to work and seeing Erin and Tom.

And I should be incredibly happy! Last night I saw the greatest currently playing swing band ever: Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. Sancho and I samba'd to "Wanna Be Like You" and danced to some others so I got the check a goal off my life list (Dance with a really great dancer to PERFECTLY played music from a live big band). Mike and I danced too, but he couldn't lead and was off beat the whole time. It showed that Sancho and I had been taking the advanced classes, and Mike only came at his own leisure (sometimes). Let me tell you though, Erin was wiping the floor CLEAN! I hope she takes dance classes, she'll learn so fast! It was sweet!

Because this is my diary, I'm gonna vent. I wish I knew how to do those open and close things that Mer does :p. Mike is incredibly nice. I've never been treated like a princess; it was great for awhile, but now it's really getting on my nerves. Everything is "What do YOU want to do?", "Where do YOU want to eat?", etc.. I feel like I'm dating a chauffeur! And now he expects me to make out with him after every evening of hanging out! It feels like payment! And when I want to go home because I'm tired he LITERALLY clings to me from inside his house to my car door (which I use to wedge him off). And not cling by keeping with my pace either, I have to DRAG HIS ENTIRE WEIGHT. It's actually quite pathetic.

And then (yes I'm not done yet), he's always touching me. Okay, I know that's what people who are dating are supposed to do, but going 22 years with my nice little bubble and then suddenly someone popping it every day is tough for me. I'm sorry, I'm weird and don't like people randomly touching my legs, face, and arms. Or flicking my braids. He's done that ever since I've gotten them, it was irritating then, and it's irritating now.

And the final irritation for this entry is his cheering squad. I really hate it when people solicite their opinions on what I should do all the time. I really hate it when Mike's friends (even though they are fantastically cool the rest of the time) tell me what I should do with Mike. How they insinuate that I'm not intimate enough with him (!!!). How do they know what I have done already? Mike tells them EVERYTHING! They have little inside jokes about it and make fun of me in my face! So if I kiss Mike it's like kissing four other people! Mike can joke about the Ben event all he wishes, but atleast Ben didn't need a cheering squad to push him.

So in summary, I'm a cold ice queen, and I like being that way. I like to get into arguments, and "yes" men are boring.

Whee! I feel so much better getting that off my chest! I still feel unbalanced, but I just needed to say that even if I regret it later. I love diaries.

Now that the bad is gone, I must glorify the good. I had the greatest afternoon two days ago when Marcus, Erin, and I saw "The Day After Tomorrow" and wandered downtown for hours and hours taking pictures. I got some I'm quite proud of, and hopefully I'll be able to post soon. Each of us has a digital camera now, so trigger happy are we! Capital! Capital! Capital!

And I got every member of BBVD to sign my ticket yesterday. I think I might get it framed